I LOVE TO EAT rant

I was the chubby kid that sat in the back of the class.  I was so fat I was what was eating Gilbert Grape!

I had to shop in the husky section.  Why not just call it the you won’t be able to find your penis until you turn 25 section?

It was awful.  I would get teased.  Urine-bitch-tits Kagan is what they called me.

Then eventually I lost the weight, gained a vendictive side.  The thing is you can’t get rid of the fat kid inside.

I am the only person who when they lost their virginity said “does this condom make me look fat?”  My partner in action said “yes!”

You know you have a problem when you find yourself lying to the clerk at 7-11 about who your buying all 5-ice ceam bars for.  “Yeah the kids are all gonna love these.  Such a sweet tooth!”  Then you compulsively eat them in 5 minutes flat.  Now that is Jewish Guilt in action.

I am a compulsive eater.  I would be bulemic but as a Jew I could never throw money down the drain literally.  I could though eat something out of the trash.  Don’t pretend you haven’t done it!.... This rant will eventually go somewhere.

For a period of time I was a Personal Trainer.  I like to help others feel just as bad about themselves as I do.