Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Catholic Guilt is BS

    Let me start off by saying that I was raised Jewish.  We weren't the New York Diamond district, "Stranger Lives Among Us" with Melanie Griffith type.  We ate bacon on Saturday morning, shrimp for lunch but God forbid you went to school on a Jewish holiday.  That's when we went to Indian Casinos.  So what I am saying is we were Jewish for the holidays.

    I am tired of Catholics complaining about guilt.  See  Jewish guilt is of a different ilk.  You can't say Hale Marys to get out of it.  If anything we invented it!  You can't come around what a 1000 years later and claim it.  What's the point in being Jewish if you can't complain or put guilt on someone.  That's our thing.  Look we think Hasidic Jews are crazy too.  But normal Jews don't kick their kids out for getting pregnant.  NO!  They keep them around to remind them what they did wrong until the end of time.  "You know what your mother did with you father the bum?"

      You think Catholic Guilt is worse?  All Jews have a relative who has said the following, what my grandmother would say, "I hope to live to see the day that I can dance at your wedding.... But I'll be dead!"  Then when you get to my age the bitch is still around.  It's like die already!  Jews will make you feel guilty for what you've done, what you will do and what you're even thinking.

            Average Jews don't care about gay either.  If anything they indirectly welcome it.  Jews don't directly welcome gays but they they don't tell them they are going to hell.  If anything they still guilt them into having Jewish children.  Ever meet a Jewish lesbian?   Tell a good anti-semetic joke around them then cry as your face meets their fist.  They are the power Jews.  Organizing Jewish minglers cause of guilt! They get with a goysha (gentile) and somehow they still raise their kids Jewish.  THAT is Jewish guilt in action.  Eventually this bit will lead somewhere.

     I am sick of people acting surprised when I say I am Jewish.  They say, "wow? Really?"  Shut up with the really shit.  Before I opened my mouth you offered me bagels, lox and asked where in New York I was from.  When I said the part that's in LA you got pissed.  Really?  They say Judaism is just a religion.  If that's true, why is it that every flight I go on they offer me a Kosher meal before I open my mouth?  Look I get it.  I look like what would have resulted if Woody Allen fucked a Jewish woman (working on a better one but you get the point).

     Still on the Jewish topic.  The best part of being Jewish is that no one ever asks for me to help them move.

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