Monday, December 16, 2013

my friend joe

     I have a friend Joe.  To keep his annonynimity we will call him that because his name is Joeseph.  Joe and his partner have been together for years.  They have been together so long they call good dinner conversation seperate vacations.  I don't know why they call eachother partners.  Neither one of them is in business together.  Anyway has a way of putting things that I just don't understand.  I get to his house, we watch T.V., kill a bottle of vino and just shoot the shit like normal.  As I am about to leave he offers me tomato sauce he made.  "I made it too garlicy and it makes me gassy.  You're single, you can bloat." I let the coment slide, laugh and leave.

     Next time I hang with Joe he tells me about some dinner party he's planning.  He tells me about the food and who's coming.  I then ask why I have not recieved an invitation.  He says, "Yuri, it's going to be all couples.  Each couple brings a bottle of wine.  You don't want to look like an alchy drinking a whole bottle."What?  Who says that.

    A few months later I am in a few months into a relationship.  I hang with Joe again.  He asks me how my love life is going.  I tell him it's great getting to know someone in this way.  He asks, "Yuri, how does it feel not knowing if he will be there tomorrow and constantly knowing will this last?  I remember that feeling."

     After years of being in the same relationship.  You know, years after the arguments over who sleeps on what side of the bed, Joe starts getting all competive.  "So, still doing it all the time?  After a while you won't need that reassurance and your relationship will feel stable if it makes it like ours."...

(rant to be continued... Any suggestions for direction?)

Friday, December 13, 2013

Hooters and Booze revisited

     A buddy of mine decides he wants to take the punge and get married so we take him to my favorite pleace in the whole world, Hooters.  My other buddy is with us.  For the sake of this story we shall call him Mike, because that's his name.  Mike walks up to a waitress.  He pinches her ass.  She smacks his face.  He walks away and says, "fucking Lesbian!"

When he gets back to the table I say, "Mike, you can't do that."

He says, "I'm a little drunk."

Me, "A little drunk?  You've has a drink..."

I hate people who once they have had even a drop of booze they blame every wrong move they make for the rest of the night on booze.  It doesn't make sense.  I wouldnt blame Sake for Pearl Harbor, tequilla for stealing American jobs or gin for Ann Coulter.  I woud do the last one.  Not sure why.  That's besides the point.  you can't blame booze and take liability off of yourself.  I wish that's how life worked. If it did I think filling out a birth certificate would go like this.

A nurse asks, "Excuse me ma'am can you spell out the father's name for the birthcertificate?"

Mom, "Um.... V-O-D-K-A?"

Nurse spells the name back to himself, "Is that a Scandanavian name?"

Monday, December 9, 2013

What's new?

   It has been a while since I have posted.  The question one may ask is why it has been so long since my last post?  I have been working like crazy to get ahead.  I will be following up in a few days with comedy videos to show as a result.  I recently found out some good news.  I will be performing in San Francisco's 2014 Sketchfest comedy festival for 2 shows.  More news soon to come...

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