Friday, January 17, 2014


Friday, January 3, 2014

Being on the Market Sucks

What they don't tell you is how your taste in dating changes with age.  At 19, muscles and a smile are hot.  At 25, looks and a job are attractive.  After 30, 401K and stock options send me to the moon... That's when I realize, I think I am turning into my mother...

I am newly single.  That is my way of saying that I do stand up.  I've been doing a lot of online dating these days.  We gays we are slightly better at it but it still sucks.  JDate is the worst.  Their adds should read, "Jewish Dating, the one place people lie about being Jewish."  For some reason that is totally acceptable, but when if I went on a black dating site in black face there would be outrage.  It's ridiculous no one wants to be Jewish.  No one goes to a plastic surgeon and says, "oh i have have a ski-slope nose?  No I want the Barbara Streisand beak!"

Online dating profiles are always pitiful.  There are the people who take all their photos from above which makes their foreheads so large they all look like Larry King.  There is always the one dude who just has pictures of landscapes.  What's up with that?  Ansel Adams just gets you're motor going?  Then there is the person who emails you 10 times to say hello.  You don't respond.  He can't take the rejection so just keep the email chain going.  Most men on dating sites call themselves athletes or "jocks", you ain't one if you can't fit in one.  There are the people do they have to drag their friends into their depressing profile photos?  If you are a man trying to land a woman, don't have another woman in your photos!  Not even your mama!

Once on the date they ask dumb questions like what are you looking for?  Why are you single?  Why are you drinking so much?  I know, I'm single because I zone out every time someone asks that question.  Why are you boring?

I went on this date with someone I met on one of these sites.  We made eye contact and lets just say he looked so good I wanted a drink.  I sit down am about to order a martini.  He says, "why not just get coffee?"

 I ask, "what's coffee going to lead to?"

He says, "I'm in recovery."

I say, "don't worry sugar, you can't recover from what we've got!"

He says, "I'm in AA."

I left right there.  It's not that I want to date an alcoholic.  I just don't like quitters.

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