Saturday, September 20, 2014

"You don't know. You're not a parent!"

   I am tired of hearing people say stupid things. "You don't know. You're not a parent." Why because I have free time and disposable income?  Or is it because when I get drunk, instead of forgetting what a condom is I compulsively eat?  Really? Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I don't know what it's like.  We were ALL kids once. Just because I am not a parent doesn't mean I can't judge you for not potty training your 4-year old or talking to them like they are gift with purchase.  Sorry, I get my accessories like most people, from some overly eager Israeli in the mall and not a vagina.  Call me crazy. I can judge all I want. The same way you may judge if you catch me picking my nose while at a red light.  Big whoop! So what if the only reason for me to have kids is to start a sweatshop?

   Another thing, stop with the stupid baby talk. What? I get it. Your kid looks like a gremlin. Really? Just cause your kid has a uni brow doesn't mean you don't have to treat them like a human being from day one!

   Please stop asking what I think of your kids. "Isn't he adorable?" What? You don't know? Why are you asking my opinion of your kid? I laugh at funerals. I am not the one to ask!

  Slutty moms! Stop dressing your little girls like whores. Enough with the matchy matchy shit too! If you dress your little girls in daisy dukes and Uggs, better include a diaphragm with it! Yes! I said it!

  Unlike most of the world I can't just accidentally have children. As a gay person I have to use my head, not the one in my pants, but actually think like an adult. I know it's hard to comprehend. Next time someone tells me, "Yuri, you don't know. You're not a parent." I will simply say admit that they are right and roll my eyes the way anyone in my position would. Oh yeah, I will also start pushing photos of my pet on them just to show that I too have pictures of a dog in my wallet.


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