Monday, July 9, 2012

Honesty isn't the best policy. Okay?

    Whoever said that honesty was the best policy was a putz.  We were raised to lie.  Think about it.  We lie about everything.  I mean it, everything.  When a kid's pet bird dies what do we tell kids?  "Um sweetie, Mr. Tail-feather flew to Florida cause he couldn't handle another East Coast winter."

    It's hard for our faces to even be honest.  How can we say that honesty is the best policy when Botox is a multi-million dollar enterprise?

    When was the last time honesty got someone laid?  Never, but for generations women have been buying the "I'm allergic to latex" bit.  Why you may ask?  Because we LOVE to get lied to.

    When someone shows you a photo of their child with the unborn, gills and webbed feet, what do you say?  "He/it's adorable."  You don't say, "leave George Lucas does it again."

     The truth is why straight men are jealous of gay men.  When we look at your girlfriends we can tell them what they really look like in their jeans!

     We say honesty is the best policy but when we go to interviews and get that bullshit question, "where do you see yourself in 10 years," what do we say?

Never do I say "hopefully at a high enough position where I can fire your ass."  Or, "rich off of penny-slots."  No we feed them back some bullshit.

   Lying is the way the world works!  Ladies if the wolf guy from "True Blood" told you he wanted you now you sure as hell wouldn't be giving him the same headache routine you give your husbands.  How do you get ahead in life these days?  Lie through your god damned teeth.  Next time you hear a cute little kid interrupt a lie by saying "honesty is the best policy," hit 'em.

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