I'm Jewish, so what?

A comedy bit I am working on... please feel free to comment with tags or ideas...


This situation happens to me all the time and I don't really know what to do with it. I was chatting with a friend about my over-bearing mother.

He was like, "oh, your Jewish?"

My response, "oh, your blind?"

The thing is I get what I look, I have looked like this my whole life. I look Jewish people.

Him, "I just didn't want to assume."

Me, "Didn't want to assume? You can assume there are 7 days in the week, just like you can assume I'm Jewish."

Him, "I didn't want to offend you."

Me, "Offend me? For thinking I'm Jewish? It's not 1932. I wouldn't be offended that you assume I'm Jewish, I'ld be offended if you thought I had horns."

People often tell me, they say "Yuri, being Jewish is just a religion."

If that's true, then why is it ever flight I go on, strangers offer me their kosher meal? Or whenever a comedian I dont know tells a really good Holocaust joke, they have to stare at me for awkwardly long periods of time, just to see if I'm okay with it?

They say Jewish is just a religion, I say it's a diagnosis. Symptoms include having relatives who complains so much at restaurants that the managers know them by name, guilt that hale marries can't fix, and a Jewish mother... A Jewish mother is kind of like acne. They tell you that shit will go away, but she just lingers on and on... you can use all the Pro Active in the world and she wont get out of your business!

As a kid, I always wished I was black, then someone would look at me and think, "maybe he could be athletic."
The best part about being Jewish is that no one ever asks you to help them move...

Not sure where to go from this...