Tuesday, November 1, 2011

STOP using the word PARTNER!

I am not sure if I have already written about this issue or not. Something that I really don't understand is the word "Partner." Maybe it's just my personal issue but I hate the word. I hate when people use it. I hate even more when people in heterosexual relationships use the term partner when they very well have the option to get married. Lay off that pachuli! Maybe it's gay culture's fault. We convince out heteronormative society that we also need a term to call our mates in place of the fact that we can't really marry and even in states where we can, it's not federally recognized anyways. Either way I hate when people use it. I don't get the term.

When I as a gay, meet someone new they either one assume I am single cause all gays must be single, cause they apparently can't keep it in their pants. This is partially true. Or we must be at that place... The one were we use the term. The new whoever will ask, how is your PARTNER? We aren't in business together. We aren't a writing team, mostly because we are one of those couples that doesn't have to do everything together and like having separate lives and well, we sleep together.

When straight people use the term PARTNER, I get it. They get confused. They are just trying to be respectful. When gay people use the term it annoys me even more. Call the person what they are, husband or wife, with or without the paper. That's what they are. Does your partner make you take the garbage out? No. Does your partner complain that you don't want to cuddle after sex? Does your partner hold your hand when walking down a street unless the two of you are walking in a conservative/Republican neighborhood? Does your Partner get in arguments with you as to how you hog the bed, or need to open up with your feelings cause you push those close to you away cause you have trust issues? No, cause that wouldn't be appropriate for business. The point is that we as gays do NOT have to use politically correct terminology because it does not convey our actual relationships. If more gay people used the terms, boyfriend, spouse, husband, or wife it will sound less frightening to people. Even without the right to marry using these terms will help those against "they gay lifestyle" understand how little difference there really is between us and them.


  1. Yuri, I don't think you should ever work at Starbucks.

  2. I am straight (not that it matters), and I also hate the word “partner” (when used to refer to a significant other) for the same reasons you mention. Whether one is gay or straight, using the word “partner” is just lame. Like you said, call then what they are! Don’t disrespect them by calling them something that sounds so cold and ambiguous.

    I was once adding my girlfriend to my insurance policy, and made the mistake of using the word partner. The agent responded by asking, “Male?”. I think that was the last time I ever used the word to describe anyone’s significant other.

    It’s like various other politically correct terms. They are used so as not to offend people, which is good (in principle). In practice, some words work a lot better than others. “Partner” is ambiguous and borderline disrespectful. I refuse to use it, and hope others do so as well.

  3. It honestly makes me gag when straight people say it. It's such a fucking bizarre term to hear them say, and it instantly just sounds like "sex partner" to me. Sort of cringey. Totally cool with gay people saying it, which I guess is the entire reason straight people say it, to be inclusive or whatever, but still, ew.

    But I'm now living in a city where people are really self-conscious about doing anything considered offensive, so I hear it here a lot, whereas when I lived in NYC, I feel like my gay friends would introduce someone as their "boyfriend" or "girlfriend". I only started to hear the "partner" thing recently. I guess I just hang out with cool enough people, gay and straight, who just don't give a shit.



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