Friday, February 19, 2010

Every night I see this tragedy!

Every night you can see this stupid display acted out at gay bars across America. It’s just something that annoys me to no end. Often they fit this description. There is a queenlier gay guy and their slutty straight girlfriend. The girl often fits close to the following description give or take a detail or two. She is blonde with bleached teeth, so much that they have that blue hue that you can only stare at for a few seconds because the brightness burns the cornea of your eye. She almost always has big tits, sometimes real, but more often those puppies are real and borderline tranny status (where the fake tits look like they are floating up and away, Tori Spelling style). If they don’t have the tits they have thickly padded bras that hike their poor, defenseless, little ladies further up than they ever thought they could be. The girl often resembles one of those “girl next door” sluts. She is the type of girl who has been bleaching their hair so long that they may have developed some sort of brain damage. The type of bitch who has or would probably appear in a “girls gone wild ad” under the right circumstances. These are the type of sluts that will make out with another chick at the party not because they like it, but just to get douche frat guys to take them home, which is reason enough. She is not quite a “faghag,” but a girl who uses her “Gay” as her self-esteem booster when need be. She is possibly a good Christian girl. The type that “loves the gays” but when asked about her views of gay marriage, she smiles and talks about being a good Christian but just regularly gets gangbanged sideways on camera.
The slut/girl’s friend is often a little mousy Gay. They are not they gym bunny type, but usually more on the awkward side of life. They are really queenie and usually have great style advice. They are quiet in most moments until someone asks their opinion. Then, it’s like opening Pandora’s box, these lisp queen acts like fireworks are going on inside of them won’t shut up. They are particular in the way they order their drinks, three iced cubes, vodka, never well and ALWAYS, ALWAYS a twist, like a twist makes or breaks a drink. To me, the only way my bartender can mess up my drinks is if they forget to put booze in it, the garnish is just unnecessary crap to begin with, but we digress. Often these guys love to spend every waking moment being divas because they see themselves as. Their hair is always perfectly styled and dyed if need be. Their tan is often just a shade too orange to be natural and complimented by eye brows shaped too perfect to not have been plucked. These guys are usually every entertaining to watch in their natural habitat, be it Barney’s, a runway show or the local gay pop bar stomping ground. They are often what make these places so interesting.

After a drink or two, the queen always utters this sentence, “if I were straight, I would soooo do you!”
Really lady? You would sooo do her? How would that go down exactly?
She then keeps up with this charade, asking the guy “really?”

This barrage of compliments about doing each other lasts for usually at least 10 minutes, at which point I feel like vomiting. Do these bitches have that low of self esteem that they have to play this stupid game? She doesn’t want him to do her anyway and he probably feels ill at the smell of a vagina. The only way that those two are going to get down is with the intervention adult toys and we know that isn’t happening so stop it already! It is a well-known fact that women come to gay bars for the attention and the compliments, but this is going too far! Stop it already!

1 comment:

  1. So are you trying to say that straight guys should go to gay bars because those women have the lowest self esteem???? You might be on to something here...



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