Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mom Jokes 4 Mother's Day

    I always give my mom a tough time.  She hates to workout and I always try to push her to fitness because I love her.  She calls me yesterday and says, "Yuri did you hear? Last week Ukrainian Mayor was shot while jogging.  See? Fitness kills!"  

     My mom tells surprisingly good jokes.  She said I could be whoever I want to be in life. She was wrong.  20 Years, 5 restraining orders, 10 years of therapy later, I in-fact can't marry Luke Perry.

     During the 5 minutes it was legal a few years ago for gay people to marry my mom said, "Get married! I wan't you to be the next Anna Nicole Smith. You know...but alive.

     She's always bugging me about kids.  She's always like, "Yuri what about grand babies? What about grand babies?"  To which I respond "babies don't come out of there. Trust me I've tried."

    Growing up my mom was the type of cook that made you think, "anorexia, that has merit!"  

    My Mom didn't cook much.  She had 3 dishes though that were amazing: scrambled eggs, mac n' cheese and chili with hot dogs.  Because we were Jewish we could never be considered white trash but we sure as hell did try!

     Truth be told my mother is very supportive of me doing comedy.  Sometimes a bit too supportive. I often try jokes on her.  She's my sounding board.  I'll call her up and say, "hey mom can I try this one joke one you? So a rabbi, a priest and"... She interrupts laughing too loud before I get anywhere close to the punch line.  Under her breath says, "HA! HA! HA! You so funny...  After $80,000 in college you doing standup. HAHA"...



  1. Some really good ones here Yuri. Like the anorexia merit and the last one the most.

    I think the one about 3 dishes could be funny too if you made all the dishes non-kosher. Something along the lines of, "She cooked three dishes. (All non-kosher). But we were Jewish so I wasn't allowed to eat any of my mother's cooking."

    I don't know something like that I guess.



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