friends

I have this friend.  I have known him for years.  Him and his husband have been together so long that technology has invented new ways for other people to get laid that didn't exist before like Grindr...  Anyway, I love this friend to death but sometimes he says stuff that just confuses me.  I am at his house watching crap TV, talking about life, then he says some shit. "Hey Yuri, I have some dish I made last night, put too much garlic in it.  You're single, go ahead and stink. Take it with you!"  What?  Who says that?  

I ignore the awkwardness in the conversation and move on.  Another 10 minutes come by and he tells me about some big party him and his partner had the night before.  I ask why I wasn't invited.  He says, "Yuri, it was all couples... A bottle of wine a couple, you know... You would look like an alcoholic with an entire bottle to yourself."  What?  I'm thinking to myself no I wouldn't.  

Everyone has a friend like this.  He gets oddly competitive about anything that may possibly challenge his relationship.  "Yuri, how's that dating going?  Never getting that intimacy that me and my man get?"  Me, "Yeah its awful, jumping from bed to bed and being able to sleep with a different person whenever I want instead of getting that shitty day ja vu feeling every time I get up...

(more to come)

This one Gay Couple....

If you're wondering how I am doing, I am just working away.  Since stand up surprisingly doesn't provide benefits (big surprise) I still bartend.  I work at a restaurant in San Francisco.  It was just another night like many other nights when a guy like many other guys before him sits at my bar and orders himself dinner.  He is in his late 20s with the most perfect eye brows I have ever seen.  He tells me he was waiting for his boyfriend but would like the fettuccine Alfredo.  He sits there waiting for his guy for the next 20 minutes.  He is one of those that has to mention that he is waiting for his boyfriend a bunch of times to remind you he has one.  Every 2 minutes, "my boyfriend" this and that.  I get it, you know how to settle!  Eventually his boyfriend gets there.  He looks like a man in his mid 40s who looks like he hasn't found booze he didn't like (just judging by his face).  So crater face sits down and starts mumbling to fettuccine.

After 2 minutes of conversation they started to fight. Threw their dinners off of the bar and go at it fighting. This offends me. Not because they are fighting but because they were doing wrong! It looks like an "In Living Color" sketch, literally slapping hands. No fists. No black eyes. Lots of calling each other names like, "bitch." Just cause you gay doesn't mean you can't fight like a man!