Comedy FREE Write...

I went to a bar on Saturday. While at the bar this good looking dude came up to me and was like, "Are you tired?" To which I responded, "let me stop you right there. I've head that line before. You must be tired from running through my mind all night..." Then I take my finger, press on my skin the way one may press on a steak to see if it's done and make this noise, "Tsss." He then responds, "no man, you just look tired." The older I get, the more I realize that I am the reason Botox was invented. Black may not crack but Jews, we crack, we crumble we complain. It's a lose, lose situation. Every day past 25, the hair moves south and is a downward slope to looking like Woody Allen. Yesterday I went to Macy's. I was just window shopping to kill time and this lady appeared out of nowhere. She asked me if I was looking for eye cream, I was thrown off cause I was in the home furnishings section. Being a recovering fat kid, I went home and ate. I ate a half gallon of ice cream, a box of cookies, a baf of skittles and a partridge in a pair tree right before I went to bed. The next day I felt so gross from all the over eating I did, I had to find the nearest skinny person and work on their nerosis. I shouldn't be the only one! I hate when skinny people say shit like "you don't know how hard it was growing up skinny..."that's when I say shut the fuck up" or lead off with a compliment like, "You look great, it's like you don't care." to be continued