Comedy, my mistress

There is something that happens when you start doing comedy. There is a moment when people stop chuckling when they hear that this is what you do.

There are always going to be those deuche bags who say stupid things like, "you think you're a comedian? Tell me a joke."

It's like walking up to an accountant at a dinner party and asking them do your taxes right at the dinner table. I wouldn't do that. I would though ask them to lighten up.

Then they always follow up comments with, "are you funny?"

This is the question we all ask ourselves. Comedian or not, one ponders this question at some point in their lives. To ask that of someone who has made comedy what they wake up to and go to sleep with, is just silly. To those who don't understand what the comedy world is like, let me break it down. We as comedians, those who truly want to work as this, live and breath comedy. We may be awkward people, but we wake up and think comedy. Even when we aren't funny, we think about funny. At least I do. The hardest part is to realize what's funny to me and if that will translate to the rest of the world. If only less than 20 percent of the world gets my fucked up hitler-dead baby-aids joke and do I care?

There is also this weird momentum that happens when you do stand up comedy. There is a fine line between hobbyist and professional. Most people seem to confuse this line. If I am going to 9 open mikes within a 3 day period, sometimes up to 14 a week, booking at least 2 showcases a month, pouring out my heart, soul and youth to complete strangers every night, I'm either deranged or working on my passion. I take comedy seriously, maybe a little too seriously. I consider myself a professional, refining my product which is "the act." Everyone starts somewhere. For comedians it's at the open mikes. We will do anything for stage time anywhere. It's kind of pathetic. Some people spend the rest of their lives in this phase and some move on. Either is okay.

I guess the reason I am writing about this, what it is to be a comic, is to explain what it is to be me. My name is Yuri Kagan, I write, i dream, drink too much coffee, drink, shit, do what everyone else does while in the back of my head I'm thinking about my mistress, comedy and then tell jokes. Sometimes the stage is healing for me. Other times, I bomb so bad that it takes days to wash the stink off. It's a roller coaster and without being able to fail I can't succeed. I am not trying to change the world, I am though trying to help the world. With comedy, we heal the world. When shit hits the fan, it's comedy and art that saves us. My personal forte is comedy that is crude, offensive, educated and rolls with the punches.

I explain this to you, to rationalize my decision to remain a poor, struggling comedian to myself. I am more broke than I ever have been, because I focus on just making enough money to keep having the time and energy to pursue my dream and passion. I once had a booming professional career, in an office, at a bar, both simultaneously. I had it made. I would sip my lates while updating my Facebook, chatting with clients about their ROI and filling out spreadsheets for presentations. I miss the money. I miss the benefits. What I don't miss is not liking myself. From time to time I get depressed because I miss buying the latest crap that I don't need just to go out and show it off to people who don't care. I'll say it. I sometimes miss the regard people give me when I work in an office a million hours a week feeling like a looser, but one they respect. Comedy, my chosen mistress, makes me feel full inside. While right now it doesn't pay my rent. It will. If I have learned anything from Charlie Sheen, it is this. If he can make it, and the Snookis of the world can make millions for being airheads, those of us who actually have something to say may just have a chance.