There are homeless squatting 4 free in a large, empty apartment in my building. Laws protect them from eviction. I'm moving there...

There are homeless squatting 4 free in a large, empty apartment in my building. Laws protect them from eviction. I'm moving there...

     San Francisco is so fucking weird.  Where the weed's a flown,' the over-entitled rich kids spend way to much money to look like they don't care and the streets are paved with crackheads.  This is the place I call home.  Here you can smoke pot everywhere you damn well please but god forbid you light a cigarette or use a plastic bag, the masses will show their distain for you with passive-aggressive shrugs.  So, recently I find out that there are homeless people living in some random, unmarked Pandora's box of an apartment in my building.  Let me repeat this: there are homeless squatting for free in a large, empty apartment in my building. Laws protect them from eviction. I'm moving there...

       I am kind of afraid to go into this apartment that the homeless are apparently living in.  This is not out of fear for safety or hygiene.  It's because I bet their place is bigger than mine.  I know it's not the size but the motion of the ocean but this is ridiculous.  If I don't pay my rent I can get evicted.  If I illegally have a pet in my unit I can be evicted.  If I illegally try to squat in a unit that I'm not living in the law protects me from getting evicted easily.  What's wrong with this picture?  Where is the "It Gets better Campaign" now?  Apparently if you set your sites low enough, you too can squat in a Tenderloin apartment for months for free.

      I imagine there to be a large variety of half-smoked cigarette butts to be offered for appetizers when visiting this apartment.  A television in the corner that has both shattered glass and isn't plugged in, but makes an amazing coffee/coke table...  Who are we kidding?  Crack is cheaper!  Here there is no doodie-smell.  No. No.  You know why?  There is a toilet and electricity!  Who pays for it?  They don't know, care or ask questions.  I imagine a bed made with street sheets as far as the eyes could see and nice, warm blankets made of wall insulation.  What type of homeless live there?  This I do not know.  I assume it's the well-to-do homeless that went to homeless college in order to afford their fancy digs.  There one would major in Panhandling or Human Sexuality.  It is San Francisco after all.  Don't make the mistake of bringing non-organic cigarettes to this party, you will not be welcomed.  Much like how I went to college, majored in Speech for 5 years, learned how to roll a good joint and live in an apartment I can't afford.  Since I have no choice in this matter, maybe I should write them off as dependents?  See?  Stars really are like us.  So from now on when people ask how I'm doing I'll say, "excuse me have a dollar?"