friends

I have this friend.  I have known him for years.  Him and his husband have been together so long that technology has invented new ways for other people to get laid that didn't exist before like Grindr...  Anyway, I love this friend to death but sometimes he says stuff that just confuses me.  I am at his house watching crap TV, talking about life, then he says some shit. "Hey Yuri, I have some dish I made last night, put too much garlic in it.  You're single, go ahead and stink. Take it with you!"  What?  Who says that?  

I ignore the awkwardness in the conversation and move on.  Another 10 minutes come by and he tells me about some big party him and his partner had the night before.  I ask why I wasn't invited.  He says, "Yuri, it was all couples... A bottle of wine a couple, you know... You would look like an alcoholic with an entire bottle to yourself."  What?  I'm thinking to myself no I wouldn't.  

Everyone has a friend like this.  He gets oddly competitive about anything that may possibly challenge his relationship.  "Yuri, how's that dating going?  Never getting that intimacy that me and my man get?"  Me, "Yeah its awful, jumping from bed to bed and being able to sleep with a different person whenever I want instead of getting that shitty day ja vu feeling every time I get up...

(more to come)