You apparently can't tell someone their kids are ugly

I want to start off by prefacing this entry by saying that all of my friends and family have beautiful children and there is no such thing as a completely ugly child. I also drink a lot.

Lately I have been surrounded my seemingly fertile people. They are popping babies left and right. This may also be a sign of armageddon, I digress. What makes this situation more difficult is not the fact that straight people can have kids at the burst of a condom, while gays have to work, lie and be judged just to get just considered for the role of parent. It's the fact that people with kids, gay or straight always seem to need reassurance at all times. They have to ask leading questions like my opinion even matters. I should not be where one gets their guidance for anything. I am the guy that laughs at funerals.

They always have to ask crap like, "isn't he adorable?"

I never know how to respond. There are only so many ways to say, "he has so much character." Or "he sure is something." Or my favorite "I'm sure he has a great personality."

My mother says that I can't talk negatively about children. She says that I can't call babies ugly. The truth is some babies are ugly. Some babies take a while to grow into their faces. Some babies look like Alfred Hitchcock, Carl Malden or Bert from Sesame Street. Some kids are adorable as children and then grow up to look like they've been run over by a railroad. That's the way the cookie crumbles and that's okay.

While each child is beautiful in their own way, depending on if you have cataracts, less classically attractive (nice way to say ugly) children/people have the upper hand in life. They are the ones who run the world. Overly beautiful people get the world handed to them and sit in the passenger's seat. Beautiful people, I think have a tough time when they get older and their looks fade. They have a harder time assimilating than the rest of us who are used to working at all aspects of life based on other characteristics. Moderately attractive to ugly people really have to "keys to the jeep" as Missy Elliot says. They learn how to survive this based world on their own merit, character and riding by the seat of their panties.

No one will ever say "oh that Bill Gates, he is soooo HOT." The only part of him that's hot is his wallet. Intelligence, kindness and being a person with contributions to the world are the truly "adorable" of the world. Physically, who gives a fuck what you or your kids look like?